Lesson 18: Set your priorities, and follow them.

 

Author's note: I am a compulsive advice-giver-always have been.  When my own son was in high school, he wasn't interested in his old man's advice so I wrote it down in the hope that he might change his mind one day.  What follows is one piece of that advice.  I trust it applies to all of us, regardless of age.

 Action expresses priorities.

—Mahatma Gandhi

In an earlier lesson, we talked about living by a set of values. Priorities are driven by your values, and in fact some of your values may also double as priorities. But whereas your values are principles to live by, priorities are more like a set of rules. Think of your priorities as a list of the most important things in your life, in ranked order.

 For many people, the basic personal priorities include family, career, and religious development, but personal priorities can go well beyond these. Some may set their leisure activities as a priority. Athletes place a high priority on improving their performance, musicians on practicing their craft. Young couples often want to save money for a new home or a child’s education.

We need priorities because we have a limited amount of time. We want to make sure we spend our time on things that are important to us, rather than wasting time on worthless activities. Priorities are our way of budgeting our time so that we get to the important stuff.

Now that you’ve graduated, your priorities will become even more important. As we’ve already seen, time becomes more precious as you get older. And as you enter the world of full-time work, you’re likely to find that your non-work hours are very valuable to you. You want to make sure you spend them on activities that are important.

You may have never thought much about your priorities, but they’re there, all right. They reveal themselves in your behavior. Wherever you spend your time and effort, you’ll find a priority.

Whenever our actions don’t match up with our stated priorities, discontent is sure to result. A man may say that his children are his number one priority, but if he neglects them, then something’s wrong. He either needs to change his actions or admit that his kids really aren’t as important to him as he says they are.

Ask yourself: Where have I been spending my time? What are the priorities that are revealed in my actions? Are they the priorities that I want for myself? If not, now is the perfect time to set your priorities, and then reflect them in your actions.

Lesson 17: Make yourself useful.

Author's note: I am a compulsive advice-giver-always have been.  When my own son was in high school, he wasn't interested in his old man's advice so I wrote it down in the hope that he might change his mind one day.  What follows is one piece of that advice.  I trust it applies to all of us, regardless of age.

The be-all and end-all of life should not be to get rich, but to enrich the world.

—B.C. Forbes

Having a good heart does not make you a good person.

That may sound callous, but think about it. What makes for a good person? Don’t you think that a good person is one who makes the world better for his having lived there? The fact that you care about something means absolutely nothing to anyone other than you—until that care takes the form of action.

Let’s carry the concept a step further. A caring heart unaccompanied by action is a recipe for unhappiness. Why? Simple. If you truly care, then you know you should be doing something, but because you’re not, you feel like a failure—or worse, a fake.

Let’s take a simple example. My Kiwanis Club spends a few Saturday mornings each year picking up litter along a local highway. One such day, as I prepared to leave for litter duty, I asked a friend if he wanted to come along. He said in all seriousness, “No, thanks. I think that’s just for show, so other people will think you care. For me, it’s enough to know I care—it doesn’t matter if anybody else knows.”

Hmmm. That’s not an uncommon view for a kid, but it doesn’t wash for an adult—even a young adult like you.

The truth is I didn’t really care much about that road litter; I never really noticed it. And I doubt that anyone recognized my hunched figure as I picked up beer cans and McDonald’s bags. But I was out there cleaning up while my friend was at home on the couch, “caring.” Even though I didn’t care very much, my actions made the world just a bit cleaner. Who felt better about himself afterward?

This big ol’ world couldn’t care less about your personal happiness—or about the fact that you “care.” The world wants to know: what are you doing for me?

The first thing you should do when you get a job is get busy and try to make things a little easier on everyone around you. By doing so you’ll quickly become a valuable employee, you’ll put yourself in position for raises and promotions, and you’ll feel good about the fact that you’re making a contribution. Keep applying this simple concept, and you’ll never be without a job for long.

Lesson 16: Life is different now.

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Author's note: I am a compulsive advice-giver-always have been.  When my own son was in high school, he wasn't interested in his old man's advice so I wrote it down in the hope that he might change his mind one day.  What follows is one piece of that advice.  I trust it applies to all of us, regardless of age.

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Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off, and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself.

—Bill Gates

Congratulations on your graduation. They call it a commencement ceremony for a reason: you’re heading out on your own into the future. Life’s great adventure is before you. If you embrace it, you can have a fuller, more meaningful life than you can possibly imagine.

Don’t get me wrong. It won’t be easy—nothing worthwhile ever is. And it won’t be at all like the life you’re used to. Life in the adult world is radically different from school life. For example, if you just graduated from high school, you’re used to a life regulated by the school year and the school day. The school day is spent in a school building with others of about your same age. You change classes every hour or so. School ends sometime around 3:00 in the afternoon. The day closes with extracurricular activities and/or homework, and maybe a part-time job. College is different, of course, with its own routines and schedules.

Your authority figures are your parents, teachers and professors. Your parents provide money for the basics of life, as well as some luxuries. Adults are authority figures simply because they are adults.

 But that life is over. As comfortable as it may have been, it was a child’s life. You’re an adult now. The life of an adult is better than that of a child—if you make it so. On the other hand, the responsibilities are much greater, and the price of messing up is much, much higher.

For one thing, instead of your parents providing for you, you’ll have to provide for yourself. In our society, you’re expected to pull your own weight. If you don’t, you end up completely depending on others. So I expect you’ll do what is necessary to make your own way.

The daily routine of an adult is generally determined by your job. There’s no telling what your typical day will be like, but it is highly likely that your workday will be longer than a typical school day. And those frequent vacations and days off you’re used to? In your first year on a job, you’ll be lucky to get a week’s vacation and a few holidays. Other than that, they’ll expect to see you at work every weekday.

All of this is not to scare or depress you. Remember, an adult’s life can be wonderful. But the change is sudden. Just try not to be too shocked when it hits you all at once.