Lesson 29: Put your shoulder into it.

Author's note: I am a compulsive advice-giver-always have been.  When my own son was in high school, he wasn't interested in his old man's advice so I wrote it down in the hope that he might change his mind one day.  What follows is one piece of that advice.  I trust it applies to all of us, regardless of age.

If you’re gonna be a bear, be a grizzly.

—Unknown

Effort is essential to success, but it never ceases to amaze me how few people seem to understand that simple fact.

I have hired quite a few employees in my time; I have also fired a few. The old saying is true: it’s hard to find good help. A good, hard-working employee is hard to come by. All it takes is a little honest effort and a good attitude to stand out.

Most employers have an awful time finding and keeping good employees. It seems that many people work harder at avoiding effort than they would at just doing a good job. They’re determined not to do any more than the bare minimum. What’s more, they think they are owed a living.

What these poor souls don’t realize is that the world doesn’t owe them anything at all. They seem to think that they can—and should—get something for nothing, or get more out of something than they put in. But that’s not the way life works. Nothing worthwhile is accomplished without sacrifice.

Everything in nature operates in this way. Just spend a little time watching common tree squirrels on a fall day, and you’ll see what I’m talking about. A squirrel must store sufficient food in order to survive through the winter. Have you ever seen a squirrel sitting, resting, and watching other squirrels gather nuts for him? Of course not. Every one of them works incessantly, collecting and storing his or her own food supply.

The same applies to people. It’s natural for each of us to do our fair share, and a person who does less is bound to have a negative self-image. That person is like a leech, sucking from the efforts of others.

You would do well to let that sink in: the world owes you nothing. You must earn your keep, pull your own weight. One of the simple secrets to success is that if you pull more than your own weight—if you do more than you’re paid for—you will stand out from the crowd. You’ll automatically make yourself indispensable. And you’ll almost certainly be rewarded for it.

Lesson 11: Be bold.

-->

Author's note: I am a compulsive advice-giver-always have been.  When my own son was in high school, he wasn't interested in his old man's advice so I wrote it down in the hope that he might change his mind one day.  What follows is one piece of that advice.  I trust it applies to all of us, regardless of age.

-->

Freedom lies in being bold.

—Robert Frost

-->

When my sister Nancy was about thirteen, our mother took her on a trip to Washington, DC to see the monuments and visit the museums. One museum housed a temporary exhibit of rocks that had been collected by astronauts during a NASA moon mission. Nancy and Mom saved this exhibit for the last day of their trip.

When they arrived at the exhibit hall, they were met with a sign that read “Moon Rock Exhibit Temporarily Closed.” My sister was deeply disappointed; this was to have been the highlight of the trip. But my mother was not to be denied. She made it clear that she had come to see the moon rocks, and she was going in, regardless of the sign.

“Mom!” Nancy protested. “Can’t you read? You’ll get in trouble; you might get arrested!” It made no difference. Mom strolled past the sign and into the deserted hall. A few minutes later, Nancy was horrified to see her mother being escorted out by a burly security guard who politely but firmly reminded the little lady that the exhibit was closed.

“See?” Nancy said. “I told you you’d get in trouble!”

“Well,” Mom replied with a quiet smile. “I saw the moon rocks.”

Get the point? My mom was bold, and she was successful in her quest. My sister held back, and she didn’t get to see the moon rocks.

Have you ever heard someone say, “I should have done so-and-so?” Boldness will keep you from ever having to say that.

You can express boldness in every aspect of your life, whether it be big or small. If you want to do something—as long as it’s legal and worthwhile—do it. If you want a different job or a graduate degree, make up your mind to go for it. If you’re in a karaoke club and want to sing, then sing! If you care about someone, don’t be afraid to express how you feel.

Live the life that you want to live. Don’t be held back by some notion that you aren’t good enough, or that you might fail or be embarrassed. Don’t let fear keep you from doing what you want to do.

Be bold, my friend, and you will never have to live with regret.

Lesson 9: The Golden Rule works.

Author's note: I am a compulsive advice-giver-always have been.  When my own son was in high school, he wasn't interested in his old man's advice so I wrote it down in the hope that he might change his mind one day.  What follows is one piece of that advice.  I trust it applies to all of us, regardless of age.

 Do to others as you would have them do to you.

—Christianity: Luke 6:31

Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.

—Buddhism: Udana-Varga 5:18

Do not do to others what you do not want them to do to you.

—Confucianism: Analects 15:23

None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.

—Islam: Number 13 of Imam,

"Al-Nawawi's Forty Hadiths."

...Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.

—Judaism: Leviticus 19:18 

Every major world religion contains a version of what we call the Golden Rule. Just take a glance at the quotes above, and you’ll get an idea of how universal this concept is. There’s a reason for this: it works.

Let’s be honest: we do everything—and I mean everything—to serve our own self-interest. That’s not a bad thing; it’s the way we are wired, the way nature intended it. And it’s what makes the Golden Rule so perfect.

You know exactly how you would like to be treated. You know how it feels to be treated with respect. You know the kind of service you want in a restaurant, the loyalty you want from your friends, the kind of love you want from your family. In every aspect of life, you have a picture of how you’d like to have others “do unto you.”

Now, just reverse the roles. Put yourself in that other person's place. It’s a strikingly simple concept—even a schoolchild can understand it—but it’s a decidedly grown-up thing to actually pull off. It doesn’t work for kids because they are virtually incapable of placing another person’s needs above their own. Adults, on the other hand, have the maturity to make this noble leap—although some never do.

Here’s where your own self-interest comes in. Just because you know how you’d like to be treated and are capable of putting yourself in another person’s moccasins, that doesn’t mean that you automatically treat others in the way you’d like to be treated. You might have to give up a hard-earned advantage, take partial blame for something you feel is not your fault, or be nice to a person you don’t really like. In order for you to live the Golden Rule all the time, it would have to be clearly in your best interest to do so.

It is. By treating your fellow humans as you wish to be treated, you increase your own chances of establishing and maintaining healthy relationships, whether it be a fifty-year marriage to your soul mate or a thirty-minute encounter with a waitress at a lunch counter.

So, take that leap. Give up an advantage now and then. Accept the blame. Be nice to that person you can’t stand. The rewards will come back to you as surely as a boomerang does. Believe it, and it will happen.