Author's note: I am a
compulsive advice-giver-always have been. When my own son was in high
school, he wasn't interested in his old man's advice so I wrote it down in the
hope that he might change his mind one day. What follows is one piece of
that advice. I trust it applies to all of us, regardless of age.
The really happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery when
on a detour.
—Unknown
When I was in graduate school, a professor gave me a
criticism which I took to be a backhanded compliment. “The problem with you,
young man,” he said, “is that you’re always trying to change the rules to suit
you.”
Obviously, we can’t always change the rules to our liking.
The fact that we don’t agree with something doesn’t mean we can ignore it. You
may think the speed limit is unreasonably low on a certain road, but if you
speed on that road, you’ll still get a ticket. Many, many circumstances are
totally beyond your ability to direct. Your success or failure under those
circumstances will depend largely on your response to them—in other words, you
have to adapt.
Here are a few examples. Let’s say you want a particular job,
but it goes to the boss’s nephew instead. Maybe you’re in love with someone and
want to marry him or her, but for whatever reason it doesn’t work out. Perhaps
the company you work for goes out of business, and you lose your job. A loved
one dies. You’re injured in an auto accident or suffer a serious disease. The
list of possible scenarios is endless.
These are the proverbial cards that you have been dealt. You
can’t trade them in for another hand; you must play the cards you have right
now. Now is when you must adapt. Recognize the reality and respond accordingly.
George Washington is one of my favorite historical figures.
Perhaps his greatest trait was his ability to see a situation as it really was,
not as he wished it to be. His actions were guided largely by the situation
itself: he planned his moves to make the best possible use of the
circumstances, and wherever possible, he tried to turn those circumstances to his
advantage.
You can do the same thing. It’s a two-step process. First,
view every situation through realistic eyes. Don’t kid yourself. Second, shape
your response to make the most of the circumstances.
Of course, this
doesn’t mean that you should give up your personal autonomy or allow yourself
to be tossed and turned like a boat without a rudder. No sailor can control the
wind, but a good sailor uses the existing wind to sail to the destination of
his own choosing.
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