Lesson 7: Have a set of values and live by them.

Author's note: I am a compulsive advice-giver-always have been.  When my own son was in high school, he wasn't interested in his old man's advice so I wrote it down in the hope that he might change his mind one day.  What follows is one piece of that advice.  I trust it applies to all of us, regardless of age.

Beliefs constitute the basic stratum, that which lies deepest, in the architecture of our life. By them we live, and by the same token we rarely think of them.

—José Ortega y Gasset

Your values serve as your internal compass. They guide your actions. When you find yourself in a situation where you’re unsure of what to do, your personal belief system will tell you what is right to guide your actions.

This compass will be vitally important in countless situations throughout your life, especially when you find yourself under pressure. If you have a hard-wired set of values, you’ll be more likely to act in a way that you’ll be proud of afterwards.

In order to reap those benefits later, however, you have to take some time now to define for yourself what your values are.

You already have a set of values; you just need to clarify them in your own mind. Your values have been influenced over the years by your parents, teachers, mentors, role models, and friends. But while others have a hand in the process, your values must be your own—nobody else’s.

Fred “Mr. Rogers” Rogers once wrote, “I doubt that we can ever successfully impose values or attitudes or behaviors on children—certainly not by threat, guilt, or punishment.” That also holds true for adults, but it has never stopped people from trying—just human nature, I guess.

So the challenge for you is to separate the beliefs that belong to others from those that are really your own. Use your best judgment and try to sort through your own biases. Just as it doesn’t make sense to simply accept your parents’ values without testing them for yourself, it also doesn’t make sense to blindly reject those values out of youthful rebelliousness or a desire for independence.

If you believe something to be true, then it doesn’t matter where you first heard it. If it’s true, it’s true. Just make sure you can reconcile that truth in your own mind.

Understand also that your values and beliefs are likely to evolve over the years. But once you are clear about what you believe, you will find that the answers to tough questions will come much more easily.

Lesson 5: Don’t look forward to happiness; live it now.

Author's note: I am a compulsive advice-giver-always have been.  When my own son was in high school, he wasn't interested in his old man's advice so I wrote it down in the hope that he might change his mind one day.  What follows is one piece of the that advice.  I trust it applies to all of us, regardless of age.

A great obstacle to happiness is to anticipate too great a happiness.

                                                                                                                           —Fontenelle
 

A young man I know moved with his family from a large northern city to a small southern town during the summer before his senior year in high school. Such a move would be a tough challenge for any young person, but it was especially hard on David. He had been happy and involved in his previous school, with lots of friends and activities. Now he was starting his senior year in an unfamiliar environment. He had no friends and found himself surrounded by a whole culture that was foreign to him. Sometimes, listening to the local accent and regional slang, he even had trouble understanding the language.

As you might imagine, David was wretchedly unhappy. He knew he’d be unhappy even before the move. The one thought that sustained him was his plan to move himself back to his old hometown immediately after graduation. He just knew that if he could get back home, everything would be fine again.

Graduation came and went. David packed some stuff in an old van, said goodbye to his parents, and pointed north. Once he got there, he got a job and settled into an apartment with a longtime friend as a roommate. And guess what? That’s right; he was still miserable.

Here’s an even more extreme example: Matt made a similar move just before his senior year. He moved from an even larger city—in France, no less—to tiny town in rural North Carolina. And Matt came alone, with no family and just a basic grasp of the English language. But far from being unhappy, Matt had a great senior year. He made lots of friends and got involved in many activities. The return to his home at the end of the year was bittersweet.

You see, David made several mistakes. First, he had a negative attitude about the move south. Second, he didn’t adapt to his new surroundings. Third, he thought that his happiness depended on his circumstances. And Matt? Well, Matt was an exchange student. He wanted to be there. As a result, his attitude was positive, he adapted quickly, and he relished the unfamiliar surroundings.

Decide to be happy now, in this moment, regardless of the circumstances. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that happiness will come later, once certain conditions are met. It won’t. Remember: happiness doesn’t come to you. You must create it within yourself.

Lesson 4: Happiness is a permanent condition.

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Author's note: I am a compulsive advice-giver-always have been.  When my own son was in high school, he wasn't interested in his old man's advice so I wrote it down in the hope that he might change his mind one day.  What follows is one piece of the that advice.  I trust it applies to all of us, regardless of age.

Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy.

—Cynthia Nelms

Let’s clarify the difference between happiness and gladness. Gladness is a temporary feeling brought on by some good event or circumstance. Happiness is a permanent state of mind that remains unaffected by events or circumstances.

You were glad when you graduated from college or high school. You’d be glad—thrilled—if you won the lottery. Even something as momentous as the birth of a child causes gladness, but not happiness. As important as all these events are, they are circumstances—things which happen to or around you. They do not have the power to make you happy or unhappy. That power rests with you alone.

It’s quite simple, really. We create our own happiness by what we think and do. Earl Nightingale put it this way: “Happiness is a by-product of something else. It comes from the direction in which we’re moving.” This sentiment is in perfect accord with Martha Washington’s notion that happiness depends on our dispositions rather than our circumstances.

In other words, if you seek happiness directly, you’ll surely fail. It comes as a result of (1) making a decision to be a happy person, and (2) living the kind of worthwhile, useful life that leads to happiness.

Easier said than done? Not really. We’ve already established that you control both your decisions and your behavior.

I’m not asking you to become a different person—far from it. You are uniquely you, and that fact should be celebrated. But you’re not the exact same person today that you were at ten years old, are you? You’ve even changed some in the past year or two, right? And you’ll continue to evolve as you work your way through adulthood.

Most important, make the decision to consciously direct your own thinking and attitude. As you go through this book, let the lessons soak in. As you incorporate them into your daily living, I suspect that over time your behavior may change as well. After all, your behavior is bound to evolve over the years anyway, is it not? Why not exercise control over that change in a way that benefits you and those around you?

Lesson 3: It’s not really about you

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Author's note: I am a compulsive advice-giver-always have been.  When my own son was in high school, he wasn't interested in his old man's advice so I wrote it down in the hope that he might change his mind one day.  What follows is one piece of the that advice.  I trust it applies to all of us, regardless of age.

Scientists are generally happier than artists, since they’re commonly lost in objective tasks and not examining their own navels.

—Bertrand Russell

One of the great ironies of life is that the only way to be personally fulfilled is to place your focus outside of yourself.

Consider the sad cases of any number of celebrities and professional athletes. Paris Hilton. Britney Spears. Lindsay Lohan. Marilyn Monroe. Judy Garland. Michael Jackson. Michael Vick. O.J. Simpson.  The list goes on and on and on.

What does this unfortunate but diverse group have in common? From a very early age, they were taught that they were special. All parents try to instill this thought in their children, but in these cases there was no accompanying sense of humility, no understanding of their need to fit into and improve the world around them. These young people were so special that the normal rules of behavior and obligation did not apply. Their goal in life was to show the world how beautiful, talented, and special they were, not to make a contribution to society.

In short, it was all about them.

I don’t know about you, but I have always felt deeply sorry for these sad individuals. What a miserable existence it must be to spend one’s entire life in the vacuum of self. But they are smart people; they must instinctively have known that this was not right, even though their so-called friends assured them that it was. Too often, the ironic result of this conflict is secret, agonizing insecurity and a futile search for meaning.

What does this have to do with you? Children are naturally and unavoidably self-centered creatures, and adults, in an effort to instill self-esteem, often magnify this mindset through their words and actions. As you approached adulthood yourself, you most likely came to realize that the world does not actually revolve around you. In that respect, you’re already several steps ahead of the group we’ve been discussing.

But here’s the kicker: true happiness, real fulfillment, and successful personal relationships can only be achieved when you shift your focus from yourself to others. That’s not to say that you should ignore or deny the things that make you special—quite the opposite. Cherish and develop them. Use those gifts to make a positive impact on the world around you. That is the way to real self-esteem.

Twist & Turn of the Stock Market

The stock market sometimes moves in mysterious ways, and there are those who would tell you the exact cause of every twist and turn. Here's a more likely explanation - and the reason why it probably doesn't matter. (Find more videos on our YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/tryonite.)

1 - In case we needed another example of the futility of predicting market performance, the Dow posted its best 3-day gain of the year last week. Where did that come from? Both This Week's Economic News (below) and This Week's Video (above) attempt to explain the unexplainable.

2 - Despite what the markets might be saying, Europe is still in dire fiscal straits. Depending on whom you listen to, we could eventually see (a) a Greek exit from the eurozone, (b) a complete breakup of the euro, (c) a surviving but somewhat changed eurozone, or (d) a smaller fiscal union anchored by Germany, France, Italy and Spain. But knowing that we really can't tell what might happen, perhaps we should add (d) none of the above. 

3 - Reminder to clients: In case you have yet to complete our technology survey, please CLICK HERE to do so. 

 Have an unpredictably fun week!

 ~Andy

DOW LOGS BEST 3 DAYS OF THE YEAR

How could that happen with such negative indicators? Two words: renewed hope. Thursday, European Central Bank president Mario Draghi said the ECB would do whatever is needed to save the euro; Friday, Draghi was reportedly talking with Germany's central bank about coordinated sovereign debt purchases. So the Dow (+1.97% to 13,075.66), NASDAQ (+1.12% to 2,958.09) and S&P 500 (+1.71% to 1,385.97) all did well last week. COMEX gold rose 2.22% last week to end Friday at $1,618.00; oil settled at $90.13 Friday, as prices slipped 1.85% across five days.^1,4,6

% CHANGE	Y-T-D	1-YR CHG	5-YR AVG	10-YR AVG
DJIA	+7.02	+6.28	-0.29	+5.82
NASDAQ	+13.55	+6.99	+3.09	+13.44
S&P 500	+10.21	+6.21	-1.00	+6.25
REAL YIELD	7/27 RATE	1 YR AGO	5 YRS AGO	10 YRS AGO
10 YR TIPS	-0.61%	0.56%	2.48%	3.10%

  Sources: cnbc.com, bigcharts.com, treasury.gov, treasurydirect.gov - 7/27/12^4,7,8,9

Indices are unmanaged, do not incur fees or expenses, and cannot be invested into directly.

Important Information from Andy About Home Mortgage

Andy discusses three aspects of the good ol' home mortgage that we may not often hear about -- or think about.

(Find more videos on our YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/tryonite.)

1 - CLIENTS: We are currently considering several technology initiatives, and we need your input. Please CLICK HERE to take a brief survey; you would be doing us a huge favor.  

2 - I was a bit hasty last week in announcing that our next Dinner and a Movie would occur next month. Michele pointed out that we've had a lot of events recently, and it might be good to wait a while before the next one. Therefore, our next client Dinner and a Movie event will take place on Friday, September 14. Save the date! 

3 - One of the more nettlesome financial topics clients often face is how to deal with their home mortgage. This week's video discusses three important things any mortgage-holder should bear in mind. 

Have a most excellent week!

~Andy

Q&A with Steve MacNamara

Click on the image above to view a highlight reel from last week's very informative and thought-provoking client Q-and-A session with Steve MacNamara and Andy. (Find more videos on our YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/tryonite.)

 

1 - We had a very well-received informal session last Tuesday evening with Steve MacNamara, CFA, our investment researcher. Steve traveled from Connecticut to Tryon just for the occasion and flew back the same night. The issues we covered with clients were serious and meaningful. We went into some depth about Steve's experience and expertise, why and how he does what he does, and how I am able to translate his research for use in client portfolios. Click here to view an abbreviated video of the event by Erik Olsen.

2 - Our next client Dinner and a Movie event is scheduled for Friday, August 10. We'll be screening one of my all-time favorites, "Moonstruck" starring Cher and Nicholas Cage. Clients can expect to receive an email invitation later this week. Save the date!

3 - If you live in Tryon or the surrounding area, you may have noticed that I'm working with a group of local citizens in an effort to reverse the recent trend of businesses leaving the downtown area. I did not ask for ask for the leadership of this effort, but it seems to have been thrust upon me, and I'm happy to work with a this enthusiastic group to bring about positive change. I've made it clear that our clients must come first, so we're putting several things in place that will allow me to limit my time commitment to the project. Fortunately, there are several talented and energetic folks ready to step up and assume leadership roles.

Have shop-local week!

~Andy